How to support people who can’t attend a funeral

WHEN A FUNERAL HAS BEEN arranged, one or more people may not be able to attend, even if they very much want to. The reality is many in this situation will feel additional grief, especially if they feel they were not able to say goodbye properly. Restricted funerals during the COVID-19 pandemic years highlighted that not being able to attend a funeral can be a really difficult experience for people.

A funeral is often a moment of transition in the journey of grief and without it, processing that grief may be more complicated, and may take longer.

The suggestions below help churches to support people unable to attend a funeral by sending them something that includes prayer, time to reflect and a message that the church is there for them. You don’t need to send them all – choose one or more things that you think will help the person. You can send these items either directly to the person, or via the family/friends of the person who died.

Help them reflect at home

Send the ‘Funeral Reflection for home use’ download, either by email or printed off and posted, or personally delivered (if that is possible). The reflection can be read by someone at home at the same time that the funeral is happening. It will help them to feel connected to the event, even if they can’t be there in person.

Send a virtual candle to light

We know that lighting a candle can be helpful to people who want to remember someone who has died, whether that was recently or a while ago.

If they can’t do that in church, send them a link to the online Light a Candle feature on the Church of England website. When the virtual candle is ‘lit’, it can be shared on social media, to let others know you’re thinking of the person who died, and all those who miss them.

This vicar in the Diocese of Ely explained how the online Light a Candle helped people in dispersed locations all over the world to feel connected to a UK funeral:

Send a card

A simple card letting someone know that the church is thinking of them can be of comfort.

A selection of cards on the CPO website assure the recipient of the church’s prayers, and you can customise it with your own message too before you buy.