How to gather legal data for a wedding with warmth

THE INITIAL MEETING BETWEEN A couple and the church is really important. Research around weddings discovered that the first face-to-face meeting is often a source of anxiety for couples, and although clergy know that they are friendly and approachable, couples may not have quite the same understanding or feelings!

Why the vicar makes the difference

Couples see the vicar as the uniformed representative of the church – a personal response and interaction with the vicar is taken as the response of the church as a whole. This in turn affects the likelihood they will remain open to contact with church beyond the wedding day, whether that is with your church, or elsewhere.

So make sure it is the vicar who meets the couple face-to-face first of all. The research also showed that as people come to church, perhaps for banns or to establish a connection under the Marriage Measure by attending, meeting others in the congregation who are in similar circumstances makes it more likely they will keep on returning. So try to introduce them to others, and ask those in your congregation to speak to the couple when they are in church.

Home or away?

Sitting in a room stacked with books on theology can feel intimidating for some couples, especially if they’ve hardly ever been to church. So if you are meeting at the vicarage, if possible, choose a homely sitting room. However, if you visit them in their home, bear in mind that this might also be a source of anxiety, even though it can also be a lot more informal. The couple may spend a long time tidying, cleaning and buying the right refreshments to make a good impression. Although they don’t need to do this, they’ll feel reassured if you notice and acknowledge that they have shown hospitality towards you; say something like, “You’ve made me feel so welcome, thank you”.

First things first

Collecting the essential data can feel like a dry ‘application’ process to the couple. A Welcome Form helps make this a friendlier experience by completing the form alongside the couple at the first meeting – don’t just email it to them, which creates distance. The Form offers a neat way to store all the information the church needs. It can either be done online or printed out to be completed on paper. See the Resource Pack below – it contains all you’ll need for this stage of the wedding planning journey.

A special gift

Couples really appreciate information about hymns, readings and ideas for photography and recording. The Wedding Welcome pack, available from Church House Publishing, provides fact sheets on these things and more. It is designed specifically for the first meeting to give to the couple in person as a gift, and also signposts the wedding pages on the Church of England website. Feedback from colleagues using the packs has been extremely positive.

More useful resources

• Resource pack for first meeting with a wedding couple – this download contains all the forms you’ll need to gather the legal and important data when you first meet a couple.
• Another gift to surprise and delight the couple might be to offer them a prayer candle. A simple tealight with a written prayer will let them know they are in God’s care as they begin to plan their wedding. You can make your own, or use this ready-made one available at Church House Publishing.
• You can gather and store all the details online as an alternative to, (or as well as), collecting it using the printed forms. Try the Life Events Diary feature in the Church Organiser tool – once the couple’s data is inputted, the tool can remind you by email about banns and other important dates. It also stores their data safely and keeps the couple on your database for future contact, so long as they are happy with that.
• For more legal and administrative guidance on weddings, visit the Parish Resources website.